( nirvana )

The frantic effort to keep myself 'awake' had begun
I began lookin around intended purely to get a 'better grip' of the reality.....
Reality ?
To commit myself to myself......
To seek whose behind the camouflage.......the 'real' one....someone......
But then my indulgence... turned out to be quite fatal......
Somethin very grim, ugly and.......

I was scared to see the 'objects'
Wat 'objects' ?

Many like their worlds to be occupied with them .......filled with them.......
But then it scared me, literally
Some of these 'objects' had ghastly expressions......
Sans smile....
Sans sex appeal......
Exhausted.....worn out....crippled....maimed........
Where are they heading for ?......Wat did they loose out on......?
Wat happened over the years ?
I believe the 'objects' too were like any of us....
But then over the years the unyeilding surmounting demands
Transformed their personalities.......or shud i say 'characteristics'....?

I am scared the 'heat' doesnt take its toll on me....
I cant imagine myself......as one of those 'lost types'......
The 'objects'.....
Well well then thats not wat i am here for......
Thats wat i am not lettin myself to end up.......
Transfomation is inevitable....but no way is it goin to head this way.....
I am not allowin that to happen......
I need to stay in touch..........but with what ?

Save urself, the doomsday is at hand.....
This not the begining, it is neither the end....
It is the begining of the end.......
Beware of the corporatannabilism,
And those who manifest it
Look out for the devils.....they are everywhere....
Just beside u ....rt behind u....

Believe me, u wont even realize
You would have turned into one…
Probably if all this 'outburst' seems to crap to me oneday
I wud know for sure.....
I am one among them....
I hav lost my self .....my old self
I hav moved to a new 'realiztion'.......
But then my brain wud rationalize, patronize
My behaviour, and my attitude as being the rt one...
But wat is right ?
Infact for that matter who decides wat is right for me ?

I dont know wat am i chasin......Am i chasin or am i being chased........
Am i the prey ?
Who the hell is the 'hound' ?
I need to reverse the roles.....soon.
Before the 'maze' takes over the control.....
I need to steer my way thru.....
Will i realize wat is the way....probably i will not and then yeild again..
Succumb again....wat?

Then y did i 'let loose'...
Maybe i will not find a path for myself.....
Or proably the track i choose will pave the path....
Deracination.....elitism......sacrilege....
Spirit to question the answers,
Then to question the questions....
Going on to question the 'seeker'....
But then i did hav a sense of achievement, truimph
Oozing out of me, but then......
But achievement over wat ?
Did somebody say trapped in a ‘trance state’ ?

Maybe......but then who is stoppin u and from what ?
What is it that u are actually seeking for ?
Is it someone...Is it something....
Is it nothing ?
The vacuum is filling up.....Yes it is.....positive,
And it is advancing at a ruthless pace....
Unwanted though....yet inevitable....
Inevitable..........

The 'music' is deafenin now...
Where is the "door"?
Escape....Runaway......Water........

Nirvana....